A line from a Jack Johnson song stuck out to me today: “There were so many fewer questions when stars were still just the holes to heaven“. It resonated with me because I’ve been missing those simpler days. I miss the days of childhood
when life was uncomplicated by the more serious realities of life and ministry. I miss the days of naive enthusiasm in my early twenties, during which I set out to change the world. I miss the days before I was a witness of how complicated and messy life is on this planet. I miss the days when my outside view of the world’s problems inspired me with simple answers. I miss the days before I realized that my help sometimes contributes to the problem. I miss the days when I felt like I was making a difference.
Someone asked me yesterday if I wished that I didn’t know what I know now. Yes, the ignorance was blissful. I feel older than I am. Oh, the things I have seen and heard: I don’t know what to do with it all. I haven’t the life experience and years that usually balance out such exposure. Despite all of that, my answer was that I wouldn’t change it.
Whether I like it or not, the harsh realities of the world are what they are. There is suffering and injustice and pain all over the world, and the simple answers were illusions. I’ve seen the most well-meaning people make mistakes, and I’ve made my own. A taste of disillusionment, though bitter, can be a good thing if I persevere. I am not the answer to the world’s problems, and neither is Pioneers. Our role though, is in living authentic lives in relationship with Jesus, and offering His love to others. We are not without hope. The Good News we have encountered in Jesus is a hope that we have to offer a hurting world, in word and action.
It’s humbling, and freeing to know that God can use a broken person like me.
Thanks for the Jack Johnson link. I love his music. Am downloading the On and On album as I type.
Though the journey of life experience is tough and we all share some measure of that, I was reminded in a conversation this week that God uses broken people … if He didn’t, He would have no one. I love Nouwen’s concept of “The Wounded Healer” which indicates that apart from the wounds of our own journey, our ability to truly understand and truly empathize with others is limited, maybe severely. And certainly the very model of Jesus gives us great hope as, because of His experience, He is able to “sympathize with our weaknesses.” (Heb. 4:15-16)